From Longing to Belonging

From Longing to Belonging

Interviewed & Written By: Caela Collins

What if I told you belonging was singular? Often times, we package belonging as a way to be accepted and folded into communal spaces outside of ourselves. But what’s community when you aren’t even home within the confines of your own body? Who is the representative that stands in the place of your true reflection? What masquerade ball has your soul spinning around eggshells, dizzying your identity in the process?

When you come to the realization that belonging doesn’t require any external deliberation and it is only you who has that voting right, you step into your power of belonging to self. I won’t sugarcoat this journey; belonging is a consistent act that takes courage. It requires you to stand alone and belong to yourself above all else. Being a person of color requires a daily practice of choice: choosing to unapologetically stand firm in who the Divine has beautifully and intentionally created you to be, even if you are cast against a stark background. 

May is Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month (AAPI for short), a time where we highlight communities with connections to Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Filipino, Vietnamese, Korean, Hawaiian, and other Asian and Pacific Islander ancestries, consisting of approximately 50 distinct ethnic groups and speaking over 100 languages. I had a powerful conversation about cultural identity and the notion of belonging by coming home to oneself with Ranjit K. Matthews, our Canon for Mission Advocacy, Racial Justice & Reconciliation who is Indian-American.


Ranjit’s Cultural Roots:

My parents came here from South India, in the early 1970s. And they came separately. And they met here through mutual acquaintances, and they got married in around the Boston area. And you know, we’re from a part of India that’s called Kerala, which is in the southern part of India, which is a state where the Apostle Thomas traversed from the Middle East down to Kerala and evangelized. My spouse, Johanna and I, and my family, all of us are sort of a part of that Marthoma lineage and Mar Thoma means Church of Thomas. So, that’s where we’re from, we trace our lineage from Thomas.

Intergenerational Journey and ties to Priesthood:

My great grandfather was a Mar Thoma priest, and people from all over Kerala and I think South India would actually travel to go see my Veliappacha and my Veliammachi, that’s what we call them, to have my great, great grandfather pray over them, because he was known for his gift of healing. People would come and stay with them for a couple of days while he would offer prayers often times coming with tears. So that’s sort of the lineage. When my great grandfather died, my father wanted to be a Priest and follow my grandfather into ministry. That’s why he came to the United States. My dad would do lots of other jobs in the broader Boston community, like, working as a Therapist at McLean Hospital, in Belmont, Massachusetts. He was an executive director of the Asian American Resource workshop. He was a banker and an insurance agent. My mom held a steady job as a hematologist at Mass General Hospital.

Finding a Church Community in the U.S.

My dad had a yearning to follow God. He came to this country to go into ministry, and he completed his master’s in divinity at Princeton, but didn’t have a community around him. And so because of that, we went to a lot of different churches in and around Massachustte, because he was responding to his call, and then found a home in the Episcopal ChurchAnd at that point, I was 11 years old. I guess, felt home at a church and outside of Boston in Milton, where we were going, I felt really moved there by a sense of embrace that I found from, a Priest there now a colleague, and a dear friend of mine.

Unknown Untethering

I went to college in, Washington, DC, and there, I was looking for an Episcopal presence. And I remember going because I wanted to replicate that same experience that I had at St. Michael’s in Milton, and find an equally embracing community. I found a community that a first was community oriented; but the theology they were preaching and espousing was rigidly fundamentalist, and conservative. I was instructed to not hang out with people who were from different religions, this is what we call Purity Culture, and those are my friends. I had friends who were Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, Jain, Jewish, really from all over. I had to really give up part of myself to be part of the space and that was really awful.  I gave up going dancing and even gave away my Hip Hop CD’s, which I was told, were not of God.

The Turning Point

But, it really came to the fore, in my sophomore year, when my family, and I, my dad, my mom, and my sister, we traveled to India. We did that every four years, and my parents hope was for my sister and I to be connected to our family’s heritage and keep my sister and also on a cultural level. I remember my father, who was now deeply within the ordination process within the Episcopal diocese of Massachusetts. He was very open and I was this guy that had these blinders on. I remember sitting with my father on my grandparents, veranda, one afternoon. I remember I was going through theological questions, of who was saved, who was not saved. My father, in his wisdom, said, you know, Ranjit, “Do you believe that everybody here in India, who are not Christian, do you believe they’re going to Hell? And then after a pause, he said, “Because that’s not the type of God that I believe in.” That questioned was a seed in my heart and it opened up my theological and spiritual imagination.

Two weeks later, my family and I were in a cathedral in the southern Indian state of Karnataka. We visited a city called Mysore, and the Cathedral which had trappings of British colonialism. But we walked down, we took off our shoes, and were wowed by the beauty of this spiritual place.  When we were heading back up, at the top of the stairs were two girls who had leprosy. And leprosy at that time was, I don’t know, was maybe a little bit more common. But they didn’t have any legs and they were pushing themselves around on like make shift skateboards and one of them very powerfully looked down at me while I was on the stairs, and, you know, she touched My Feet, which in India, within different cultures that are in India, it’s a sign of respect. You touch their feet, and you bring it to their mouth, or to the chest. And she did that to me. And I felt on a spiritual level, I felt like she was saying to me, Ranjit just be who you are, don’t judge anybody just being who you are. And I was seeing God in her and she was saying to me, you know, come and be here with me and India and fight for justice. And so that moment with her, that really opened my eyes. I think, that was my is a my most spiritual mystical moment was that moment, that was my awakening. And that moment led me into ministry, you know, in different work in South Africa, and Tanzania, and different places across the United States.


Ranjit K. Matthews with family in Kerala, India

How do you Honor the Belonging with Self?

I try to challenge the norms of White Supremacy by what I wear, my kurta’s, and things that I wear, even the foods that I eat, you know, even how I eat, it’s not just something that’s performative, it’s something that is who I am, right.

And so I have a lot of joy, and even what, you know traveling to India a month ago, people might consider going to be a vacation, but for me, it was, you know, it wasn’t really a vacation, but an real opportunity to deepen my connection, reconnect with my roots, and then help our boys, who are American through and through really connect to their foremothers, their extended family. It’s so deeply critical that we went on that trip, so that they can experience the beauty of our culture, of our food, of our clothing, of our language, of the noise, the color, just all of that beauty that I’m so proud of now. I didn’t have much appreciation of my culture growing up, from my name that teacher’s and others would struggle to pronounce, the aroma of mom’s delicious Indian cooking in my house when friends would come over, but it’s something that I’ve come to really embrace as part of me, so deeply a part of me.

What does your Absolute Unapologetic Full Self look like?

Just someone that is free. That doesn’t cater to the norms of society, that would allow me to be unapologetically me and not, not diminish myself. My great uncle Alex, who had many vocations as a physicist, a psychotherapist, like meditation guru who. I remember one time on the T in Boston, as we were heading for my father’s ordination. I remember seeing him dancing, without any inhibitions. All of us, his relatives are sitting on the train, a little embarrassed but our great uncles, he dancing because he’s free. He’s was unencumbered by the fact that people were staring at him how other people are looking at him that he’s free. And so remembering that and bringing him into my, into my mind space into my heart space, and realizing that he is part of my ancestry.

What Antidote can you give to those Seeking to Belong to themselves?

My real medicine is silence you know, and the quiet. That’s my prayer time when I can go so fully internally with God and that is such a real important gift to me to be able to do that. It allows me to space my to be authentic self. Reminding myself of my food, or language and culture, those nourishing spaces that that again, remind me of who I am. But we do have a thing, create our own space, and God has given us agency. So what has been important for me, is in whether they are groups of Beloved’s in my life, have friends in my life, that have nurtured me and connected with me. Sending me affirmations of love, irrespective of the institution or place, it’s just a space to be me, a space to be free and to take down your mask. Rest, being in touch with your body, if my mind, if my body, if my soul is rested, then it might be a space to dream and think with some theological imagination.

When you enter into a place that doesn’t necessarily look like you, those are the things that give me spiritual and mystical strength from God, you know, to, to show up unabashedly to show but some boldness, and with some strength.

Is She Not a Carpenter’s Daughter?

Interviewed By: Caela Collins

On Monday, January 30th The Rt. Rev. Jeffrey W. Mello. received a gift, an exterior portrait of Christ Church Cathedral, Hartford, from Cathedral artist, Deborah Simmons which led to us learning more about her story as an artist. Nothing prepared us for the eclectic interwoven aspects of visual arts, music education, and mathematics that cohesively danced to the heartbeat of a rich lineage. Nothing prepared us for the spiritual intergenerational journey that laid down the literal and metaphorical foundation for boatbuilding.

Deborah Simmons, originally from Greensboro, North Carolina is a current Christ Church Cathedral attendee and a Music Professor & Program Coordinator of the Music Studies Associated Degree program at Manchester Community College, soon to be CT State Community College-Manchester. Her notabilia does not end there, she’s also a digital artist that created works coined as “enhanced photographs,” a process in which she draws directly onto photographed images, similarly to the art piece gifted to our Bishop Diocesan, and you probably guessed it, she is also a boat builder!


What’s fascinating about Deborah Simmons is her deep intergenerational connection that spiritually led her to the craft of boat building:

I have a genetic connection to boat builders and shantymen* (African sailors who sung using songs of hymnal & gospel descent to synchronize the pulling of their nets). My father, William Otto Simmons, Jr., was an electronic technician for the post office in Greensboro.  Using the G.I. Bill from his time in the final years of WWII, he enrolled at North Carolina A & T University.  His degree in commercial engineering gave him the skills in carpentry, plumbing and electrical. When I was little, he would teach me how to use tools to build things.”

How Simons arts discipline served as a basis for her boat building:

“My father was my first music teacher. By 4th grade he purchased a plastic guitar that could be tuned and a guitar method book. He had taken a semester of music theory in college. I flipped a coin to determine if my major would be visual art or music so I attended Winston-Salem State University and majored in music-bass clarinet with a minor in piano.  In 1979, I received scholarships to attend Teachers College Columbia University.  Completed degrees in Music Therapy Special Ed, Masters of Ed in Music Education, and a Doctorate in Music Education.”

Deborah Simmons first Episcopal experience via her Music Theory Special Ed Degree:

“I did an internship in Southbury, CT. My roommate, Patty Visk, was from Fishkill, NY.  Visiting her folks on the weekends, we attended church.  Her family were members of the Episcopal Church. I was raised United Church of Christ.  Learning about her church was an eye opener.”

How her Doctorate in Music Education led to Visual Arts:

“To achieve the doctorate in music education, I had to leave the music therapy field and return to traditional teaching.  It took my mother, grandmother and godmother passing in 1985-1986 to arrive at the conclusion that I had to leave NY. Meeting an administrator from the Hartford School system on one of the flights home led to my being employed at Fox Middle School. I work there for 7.5 years before taking the position at Manchester Community College. In 2016 we became an accredited institution by the National Association for Schools of Music. A benefit of working at the college is being able to take courses for free.  Since my employ in 1995, I have taken numerous visual art courses.  The courses included ceramics, 2/3D design and two studio drawing courses.”

Simmons calling to water:

“For many years I lived in the West End of Hartford. Teaching in Hartford and working in Manchester I had to cross the river every day.  I began to see the river.  Living so near the CT river, I begun to doing map art.  I would take nautical charts of the river and coastline and enhanced them using inks and gold leaf. Around 2010, I was invited to exhibit in a group show with the theme about water.  I had a crazy idea to build a boat and incorporate the river map design down the center console.  The exhibition was cancelled due to a curatorial change with the gallery, but I learned how to build a boat.”


With no formal boat building knowledge, Deborah managed to pull from her childhood upbringing around music, art, and math that aided her in constructing her very first live boat, The Mende Libertè which translates to “Mende Free.” That same boat she crafted with her own hands won 1st place in 2015 for both ‘small craft dingy,’ which is maritime lingo for “small boat,” and judge’s choice award at the Mystic Seaport Exhibit.

“One thing lead to another and I decided to exhibit the boat at the 2015 Wooden Boat Show at Mystic Seaport. I won 1st place judge’s choice and 1st place small craft dinghy.  At the end of the weekend I was given a piece of Iroko wood used for the decking of the Amistad replica.  I was told by Quentin Snediker, at the time Director of the Henry B. duPont Preservation Shipyard.”

What’s interesting is that she was able to infuse actual wood from The Amistad, an infamous 1839 sailing vessel which illegally captured enslaved people who managed to regain control of the ship. A case well-known to the New Haven, CT community that shook the legal & diplomatic foundations of the nation’s government and brought the issue of enslavement to the forefront of American politics. Resulting in the Africans winning their freedom before the US Supreme court in 1841 and returned to their homeland.


MATTHEW 13:55

54 He came to his hometown and began to teach the people in their synagogue, so that they were astounded and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these deeds of power? 55 Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? 56 And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all this?” 57 And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “Prophets are not without honor except in their own country and in their own house.” 58 And he did not do many deeds of power there, because of their unbelief.

Deborah Simmons’ story is a powerful one within our Episcopal community and is a beautiful tale that exhibits the power of our intergenerational roots. We highlight her as Black History month comes to a close. She is a great addition to #EpiscopalBlackHistory and jumpstart to Women’s History Month. There are not many POC or women within the current maritime industry and Deborah’s story reminded us of the above bible verse: Although many were astounded by her wisdom & craftsmanship as a newcomer to boat building she leaned into her lineage and gained the nautical knowledge from her ancestors and carpentry skillset from her father. In response to those who may have questioned her belonging, Is she not a carpenter’s daughter?

Reflection: Puri(fire)

February 2nd is the Feast of The Presentation of Our Lord

Previously, we discussed the conversion of St. Paul, the Apostle who was blind, not just of sight, but blind of heart. After regaining his sight, he was able to look at people he held bias against differently than before. From this story we learned what it means when our faith lacks love. When we hold space for love within our faith, we can see God in others.

This week as we venture into February we reflect on the presentation of baby Jesus, when Mary and Joseph took him to the temple. Luke 2:22 narrates the purification ceremony, required by the law of Moses, that takes place 40 days after a 1st born son is brought into the world.

During this ceremony a burnt offering occurs: a symbolic representation of commitment & surrender to God. A burnt offering, which translates to “ascent” or “stairway” in Hebrew (olah), is a way to atone for sin and show appreciation for the Lord.

Much like the burnt offerings given during the purification ceremony at the temple, this is a time when we offer ourselves to the Lord and surrender to His refining fire; creating in us a pure and clean heart, removing any impurities that blind us, similarly to Saul. There may be periods of discomfort as God purifies us from within to gain clearer sight but let this process encourage us, as it is his overriding commitment to grow us closer to Him.

The Presentation of Our Lord poses a larger theme about ascending to love through God’s light of revelation, Jesus Christ. As our hearts and minds become illuminated by the purifying light of Christ on this day, let it further reveal the significance of acting in harmony as God’s creation, not only within ourselves, but also with others around us. When we activate the spirit of unified love, we enter an expansion that reflects spiritual growth.

When we give unconditional love to our siblings in Christ and compassion to ourselves, it creates a cycle of love that flows back to us, allowing us to truly see the light, God’s grace, and the love of Christ, in everyone. The only way we can truly be siblings in Christ is to love like Christ which will bring about a new way of belonging.

The Season of Refinement is about showing up and making a conscious effort to grow our hearts in the light of Christ and expand our experiences to a boundless loving mindset so we may present ourselves to God in a way that Mary and Joseph presented Jesus in the temple. Consider your community and what needs to be tested by refiners’ fire to look more like God’s Kingdom.


You have a deep knowing that when you pray, meditate, or simply sit in stillness that you open a channel of connection to God, where loving energy and information flows to you and through you.

Meditate on these Affirmations for Balance:

“I am calling in Harmony as God Refines me:”

“Purify my Body.”

“Purify my Heart.”

“Purify my Mind.”

“Purify my Spirit.”

Written By: Caela Collins


Dr. King’s Work Lives on Today

Offered by the Rev. Whitney Altopp

Join the Rev. Canon Ranjit K. Mathews and the Rev. Whitney Altopp on Feb. 1 at 6 p.m. via Zoom to learn more about The Poor People’s Campaign and the upcoming Mass Poor People’s & Low-Wage Workers’ Assembly and Moral March on Washington. Learn more.

The annual remembrance of Dr. King draws our attention to his call for unity across racial division. This message continues to resonate and inspire us today. However, in honor of him, we would do well to remember his other calls to action. At his death, Dr. King was fighting against what he called the “triplets of evil”– militarism, racism, and economic injustice– a combination which disregards human value. He and others committed themselves to solidarity with the poor of our nation to fight to close the economic gap by addressing the unholy trinity of these three features of American life. The effort was called The Poor People’s Campaign. It could be argued that this is ultimately what got him killed.

The Rev. Dr. William Barber and The Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis have breathed new life into the Poor People’s Campaign. Beginning in 2018, “from Mother’s Day to the Summer Solstice, poor people and moral witnesses in 40 states committed themselves to a season of direct action to launch the Campaign. What ensued was the most expansive wave of nonviolent civil disobedience in the 21st century United States. More than a series of rallies and actions, a new organism of state-based movements was born. Now, in over 40 states, the groundwork for a mass poor people’s movement is emerging.” 1 This revival of the Poor People’s Campaign came 50 years after Dr. King died working on it.

Then, as now, the Poor People’s Campaign called for attention to:

  • Systemic Racism
  • Poverty and Inequality
  • Ecological Devastation
  • War Economy and Militarism
  • National Morality

When the “triplets of evil”—militarism, racism, and economic injustice— come together, they create an environment of exploitation and disregard. Evil grows up around and through us, seemingly with ease. As the Poor People’s Campaign goes on to say:

“Today, 50 years after Rev. Dr. King and the 1968 Poor People’s Campaign declared that “silence was betrayal,” we are coming together to break the silence and tell the truth about the interlocking evils of systemic racism, poverty, ecological devastation, the war economy and our distorted moral narrative.
The truth is that systemic racism allows us to deny the humanity of others; by denying the humanity of others, we are given permission to exploit or exclude people economically; by exploiting and excluding people economically, we are emboldened to abuse our military powers and, through violence and war, control resources; this quest for the control of resources leads to the potential destruction of our entire ecosystem and everything living in it. And the current moral narrative of our nation both justifies this cycle and distracts us from it.” 2

In Dr. King’s final book, Where Do We Go From Here? Chaos or Community, published posthumously, we hear his prophetic words for that present moment speak to our present moment.

“We have ancient habits to deal with, vast structures of power, indescribably complicated problems to solve. But unless we abdicate our humanity all together and succumb to fear and impotence in the presence of the weapons we ourselves have created, it is as possible and as urgent to put an end to war and violence between nations as it is to put an end to poverty and racial injustice…I do not minimize the complexity of the problems that need to be faced in achieving disarmament and peace. But I am convinced that we shall not have the will, the courage and the insight to deal with such matters unless in this field we are prepared to undergo a mental and spiritual re-evaluation, a change of focus which will enable us to see that the things that seem most real and powerful are indeed now unreal and have come under sentence of death. We need to make a supreme effort to generate the readiness, indeed the eagerness, to enter into the new world which is now possible, ‘the city which hath foundation, whose Building and Maker is God.’”3

The Poor People’s Campaign in its current inception helps us have “the will, the courage and the insight to deal with such matters.” The Rev. Canon Ranjit K. Mathews and I are inviting interested persons to a planning meeting on Feb. 1 at 6 p.m. via Zoom, to begin to lay the groundwork for a Connecticut presence at the Mass Poor People’s & Low-Wage Workers’ Assembly and Moral March on Washington on June 18, 2022. Learn more about how you can participate in this planning meeting.

We hope that you’ll be inspired by the closing words of Dr. King’s final book.

“We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The ‘tide in the affairs of men’ does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: ‘Too late.’ There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. ‘The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on…’ We still have a choice today: nonviolent coexistence or violent coannihilation. This may well be mankind’s last chance to choose between chaos or community.” 4